Not in Kansas
by Araindil
Summary: All she wanted was a cup of coffee. What she got instead was a freakish adventure that sounded like something straight from the pages of a fanfiction author's notebook. Talk about unfair. [AUishcrack..kind of. Rated for language.]


_**Edit 6.22.06** -- Yes, yes, I know the italics are still wonky and sentence fragments are getting clipped and copied and dropped everywhere like Matchbox cars (which, by the way, is a trademark that I do not own). I'm sorry! (It's eating my spaces too, what the heck.) I went through this bloody thing again, and this time I hope I caught whatwas missed last time. If not...well, just give me a shout and I'll try to fix it._

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Notes: This is actually a new/rewritten version of The Marvelous Land of Yu-Gi-Oh, which fell flat. As in urk-flop-is-ded. I'm hoping this one will be a little better, since this time, I actually have a plot in mind. Still, the normal warnings apply for sarcasm and mind-numbing stupid (all in the name of humor, of course).

* * *

**Not in Kansas  
**Or: What Happens When You Drop a Teenage Girl Into an Alternate Dimension, Add Sugar, and Stir Well.

- - -

_Chapter One: Coffee Conspiracy_

_- - -_

"I'll have a small coffee, cream and two sugars, and a blueberry bagel please."

Micaela Sandlyn was already digging into her wallet for the money when she realized that the employee behind the counter hadn't told her how much, or done anything. The aproned girl was looking at her with an intent, thoughtful expression, as though assessing Micaela.

The subject of the scrutiny raised an eyebrow. Ooooookay...this was kind of weird.

"Yes," the girl was saying now, "yes. You could be The One..."

...Ring? Micaela could practically hear the capitalization in the girl's sentence from the way she emphasized the last words.

This was _really_ weird.

"Um, excuse me," Micaela said hesitantly, not sure if the other girl was out of her mind, or there was some simple explanation for this that she just wasn't getting. Heck, it was 6:30 in the morning -- how was she supposed to think without her coffee?

"Could I have my order, please, miss?" she asked, as politely as possible. At least the shop was empty of any other customer or employees at the moment. She really didn't need any witnesses to this rather...unique happening.

The girl blinked, and Micaela could have sworn that the look that crossed her face was one of "I-am-holier-than-the-mundane-world."

"That is not important right now," she said dismissively. "You are The One, you must take this chance that Fate has dealt you. Give me your hand."

Micaela stared at her. Really hard. Slowly, she put away her wallet, and said with equal deliberation, "Then again, I don't really need my coffee... I think I'll just go."

"No!" the girl said, her voice forceful and full of purpose. She stretched her hand across the counter, fixing Micaela with a stern gaze. "Give me your hand! This is important!"

_Maybe she's part of some obscure cult?_ Micaela thought. Out loud, she said carefully, "If I do...can I have my coffee?"

The girl blinked at her again, then said impatiently, "Yes, yes. Afterward. This is more important, for you and the others involved."

_Say what? What others? This is so weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiirrrrrrrrrd!_ Those were the thoughts that passed through Micaela's head. But at least she would get her coffee, so who was complaining?

She replied "Okay, then," and offered her hand.

The girl clasped it loosely. Micaela waited, warily. Somehow, she got the feeling that this whole exchange was way over her head. After five seconds or so, she glanced up at the girl, "Can I have my coffee now?" on her tongue...

...When suddenly, a tingling jolt raced from her hand up her arm, exploding through her nervous system.

Micaela heard a scream, though she wasn't sure if it was voiced aloud or simply in her mind.

The world tilted, and turned black.

- - - - -

It was yet another Saturday in Domino. The sun was shining, the clouds were drifting in their blue sky, and the birds were singing as if they'd never had a vocal lesson in their life.

Which, one Mazaki Anzu thought to herself, they probably haven't. And that made her wonder why she was even thinking about the off-tune warbling of birds first thing in the morning. Which, in turn, caused her to wonder if it really had been a good idea to get the decaf this morning instead of her usual black coffee.

Anzu glanced at her watch, sighed, and walked faster. Not that it would really do anything, since it would take her at least another fifteen minutes to get to where she was supposed to be. So, right now at six forty-seven a.m., she was staring down yet another round of glares and disapproval from her manager for being late. Again.

She could hear Kinimoto-san's voice in her head already, telling her to hurry up.

Hop to it, darling. While I'm still young, eh?

Not that the elderly woman was turning any younger with the passing days...but Kinimoto-san would call that kind of thought "disrespect to one's elders" and mutter something about "what _are _they teaching children these days."

Anzu, at age sixteen, had ample reason to be more than slightly annoyed by people calling her a child. (1)

Still, this weekend job at the bookstore paid well, and all she had to do was stand around and smile nicely at the people who came in to browse. They browsed quite often, but bought very rarely, a coincidence which caused Anzu, as the cashier, to have little to do all day but flip through whatever magazine was lying around.

Yup. Anzu was _definitely_ looking forward to yet another ordinary day at her job. Ho-hum.

...Or not, because after turning a corner without watching her step, she suddenly found herself on the ground, having collided rather forcefully with someone else coming around the corner in the opposite direction.

"Oh, I am _so_ sorry." Anzu hurriedly picked herself up. "Are you okay?"

The person she had run into was another girl who looked to be about her age. She had a slightly dazed expression on her face, and as Anzu spoke she looked up, running a hand through her messy blonde bangs as she did so.

"S-sorry?"

Anzu was startled for a moment as the girl replied in English. _Crap, _she thought. _Now what do I do? I knew I should have paid better attention back in English class!_

"Um...do you speak Japanese?" Anzu asked, slightly relieved that she still remembered something from her least-favorite class in school. The words still felt funny in her mouth, but hey, if it could establish communication then it was something to be proud of.

_In your face, sensei,_ she thought smugly, though her English teacher would never hear_. Told you I wasn't a miserable failure in languages._

"Uh, no," the girl replied. She stood up slowly, brushing herself off. "Only English, I'm afraid. Am I in Japan?"

Anzu raised an eyebrow at that. It was hardly France, after all. "Yes. Are you lost?"

The girl looked around, still looking dazed. "Looks like I am. Actually, I think I've been kidnapped, though how that wack-o employee at Dunkin' Donuts managed to get me to Japan is still beyond me. Man, and all I wanted was my morning cup of coffee, and instead, I get shipped halfway across the world. Talk about weird, huh?"

Anzu's newfound confidence in her English quickly evaporated. She only caught about half the words this girl was saying, and it really didn't make much sense. What about Dunkin' Donuts?

"Do you...need to find a phone, to call someone?" Anzu glanced around, realizing that Turtle Game Shop was just half a block away. She could send this girl there -- Yuugi or Grandpa could probably help her. And besides, their English was a lot better than Anzu's.

"Yeah, but my cell phone's not working, and I can't find a payphone."

Anzu was secretly relieved that she could get rid of this problem so quickly. "Go to my friend's place," she said quickly, pointing down the road toward the bright green roof of the game shop just visible at the corner. "Turtle Game Shop. They'll let you use the phone there."

"Oh. Wow, thanks," the girl replied. "By the way, I'm Micaela. What's your name?"

"Mazaki Anzu. It's nice to meet you."

"Good to meet you too. And thanks again!"

Anzu returned Micaela's parting wave as the other headed off in the direction of the game shop.

_That was..._ She paused, unsure of what word could really describe this encounter. _Weird. Definitely not something that happens everyday. I wonder what she meant though, about the employee and being kidnapped..._

She paused, unsure of what word could really describe this encounter. 

Shaking her head to herself, Anzu continued walking toward the bookstore.

- - - - -

"The nouns of the Third Declension, in the nominative singular--"

Rrring rrring rrring rrrrrrrring...

"Ms. Sandlyn, kindly turn off that electronic abomination before I report you to the principal!"

Several glances were cast in her direction, some amused, some sympathetic, and others were just plain "wtf stop annoying the teacher." Anita Sandlyn chose to ignore them all, along with Mrs. Brenner's icy glare and just turned off her cellphone.

"Apologies, Mrs. B," she mumbled, stuffing the phone back into her schoolbag.

"Now, as I was saying about the Third Declension--"

But the poor Latin teacher's lecture was doomed to be cut off, as the school bell suddenly rang, signalling the end of the block. A flurry of activity filled the room as students stuffed books and papers into their backpacks and streamed out into the hall, away from the stifling atmosphere of a dead language and the even more stiflingteacher of said language.

Anita emerged from the Foreign Language building with a sigh of relief, glad to have escaped from the stuffiness of her Latin class...

...Only to find herself tackled from the side by a miniature whirlwind measuring five foot ten with a shock of messy red hair by the name of Karlos.

"And how is my _beee-yoo-tiful _darling doing today?" was his boisterous greeting, as Anita tried to shove him away.

"Karl, you bloody idiot," she snapped back at him. "You know, if a teacher sees you it'll down on your record as assault."

"Aw, but we're best friends! You'd never turn me in," he said cheerfully, ruffling Anita's hair, which only added to the brunette's annoyance.

"Just keep pushing your luck, oh brother mine, and one of these days you'll find yourself in a straightjacket."

Anita and Karl both turned to see a dark-haired boy walking past them. The expression behind his glasses could be described as anything from aloof to disdainful. But Karl greeted him enthusiastically nonetheless.

"What's up, Erik?"

"As well as can be expected," Erik replied to his older brother. He turned to Anita, "Your sister is sick today?"

Anita frowned. "No. Micaela's fine. What makes you say that?"

Erik raised an eyebrow. "Well, just the fact that all three of the classes I share with her were this morning, and she wasn't in a single one of them. I never thought Micaela was one for skipping, so I came to the conclusion that she must be at home."

"What?" The expression on Anita's face was a mixture of shock and worry. "How can she not be there? I walked with her to school this morning!"

"But I saw you coming in alone," Karl cut in. "Micaela wasn't with you this morning."

"Well, she stopped at the Dunkin' Donuts down the road for some coffee, but..." Anita drew in a sharp breath, and turned to Karl with a stricken expression. "Oh my god! You don't think she was kidnapped, do you? What happened to her? Micaela _never_ skips! Something must have happened to her! Oh my god, my sister, what am I going to do? Karl, _mmmff_--!"

Karl clamped a hand over Anita's mouth, putting an abrupt stop to her tirade.

"Anita, first you're going to calm down," Erik said, as Karl cautiously released the girl (his decision helped by the fact that Anita stomped on his foot at the indignity).

_"How_ do you expect me tobe calm when my sister could very well have been _kidnapped_ or _killed _or-_-nnf_!"

Karl was forced to shut Anita up yet again.

"Anita, why don't you just give Micaela a call?" Erik suggested. "That should solve your problems."

Anita blinked. She hadn't considered that. Erik just sighed, muttering to himself something about the incompetence of the world in general these days.

One speed dial later and Anita was anxiously tapping her foot as she waited for the call to go through. The phone rang give times without anyone picking up, but just as Anita was about to hyperventiate again...

_"...my phone's working again! Hello? This is Micaela speaking."_

"Micaela! Where are you?"

- - - - -

Mutou Yuugi glanced from the blonde girl standing in the game shop before him to the semi-transparent form of the 3,000-year-old spirit that was standing beside him, regarding the said girl with a slightly confused expression.

Yuugi didn't blame him. Even now, he wasn't quite sure if he understood exactly what was happening. He'd been sorting a few packages for Grandpa when he heard someone enter. A brief introduction (during which he gathered that her name was Micaela, she spoke only English, and that Anzu had sent her here) was followed by a few minutes' pause while she made a few calls -- or rather, tried to make a few calls.

It seemed that every number she tried only yielded an error message (at first, Micaela had no idea what the prerecorded message was, since it was in Japanese and Yuugi had to explain to her that the number she dialed didn't exist). This was followed by a few minutes of consternation on both sides, during which Micaela explained as best she could what had happened.

Yuugi, is any of this making sense to you?

Yuugi glanced at Yami, and shook his head. _No, not really, _he replied through their mindlink. _It seems that she was kidnapped by someone this morning, blacked out, and the next thing she knew she was here in Domino. That much seems pretty clear. What doesn't make sense is how she could have gotten from America to Japan so quickly..._

Suddenly, something started ringing from the pocket of Micaela's jacket. She quickly drew out a cellphone, and there was a surprised but glad look in her eyes as she flipped it open.

"Yes! My phone's working again!" she exlcaimed happily. "Hello? This is Micaela speaking."

A shriek greeted her from the other end. "_Micaela! Where are you?"_

"Anita? Anita!" Micaela's face lit up as she recognized her sister's voice. "Oh my god, you're not going to _believe_ what happened to me... No! No, of course I'm not skipping! No, what happened was that I went to get my coffee, right? And then this really weird employee started talking all this gibberish -- I think she was part of some cult or something, but anyway. She must have knocked me out, because I blacked out for a bit, and the next thing I know I'm in Japan!"

Yuugi listened to Micaela with a slightly amused, slightly perplexed expression. _Yuugi, what is she jabbering about?_

_Oh, right. I forgot you don't speak English._ Yuugi was sure he heard the ancient spirit 'harumph' in indignity at his words, but his amusement and tried to explain. _She just got a call from a friend, I think, and now she's explaining to her what happened._

_Teenage girls,_ Yami muttered_. I'll never understand them._

_I don't think anyone does,_ Yuugi agreed_, with some amusement._

Meanwhile, Micaela was still going strong. "...I don't know _what_ she did, but we could seriously sue for this you know? Assault and kidnapping! And not to mention smuggling me to a different country, I mean, c'mon! ...What? Where am I? I told you, Japan! ...Oh, what town? Um...hold on a sec."

Micaela turned to Yuugi, smiling a bit sheepishly. "Sorry, Yuugi, I forgot already. What's the name of this town again?"

"Domino," Yuugi offered helpfully.

"Domino," Micaela said back into the phone. "...I'm at a store called Turtle Game Shop. ...What? What do you mean 'stop joking around'? I _didn't_ hear incorrectly, Anita! Yuugi just told me that this town is called Domino and-- Anita, what is _wrong_ with you? Of course I wouldn't lie!"

- - - - -

Domino. Turtle Game Shop. ...Yuugi?

Anita suddenly felt slightly faint. There was no way this could be happening...and yet, it seemed that it was, in fact, _happening_. She wasn't sure what to think.

"Micaela," she said, trying to maintain what was left of her calm, "who are you talking to over there?"

"This kid named Mutou Yuugi."

Anita swallowed. "Have you seen anyone else around town? Met anyone else?"

"Well, yeah. There was this girl I bumped into...what was her name again? Oh, right. Mazaki Anzu."

Maybe it was just some sort of Yu-Gi-Oh convention going on in town? Anita certainly couldn't think of any other plausible explanation for why her sister seemed to have fallen right into the middle of that anime universe! After all, Micaela couldn't very well have been transported into an alternate dimension (which wasn't even supposed to exist!), could she?

And besides, if Micaela really _was_ in an anime world, she would have noticed.

_Right, _Anita told herself. _Just be calm. It's probably just a bunch of Yu-Gi-Oh enthusiasts or something..._

"Hey, Micaela, does the world around you look funny right now?"

"What? The world's always been messed up, I thought we went over this already at that philosophy seminar last month."

"No, that's not what I meant. I meant...does everything look normal? Like the people still look like normal people, and not like..." Anita swallowed. "Not like, oh-I-don't-know...anime characters or anything?"

There was a pause from Micaela's end.

"Well, now that you mention it..."

Anita was sure she was going to faint if her sister didn't answer in the next five seconds. "What, Micaela?"

"...things do look kind of funny. Very anime-ish, especially the people. It's probably just another one of my eye migraines, though -- remember the one that turned everything into pixels? Those are fun... Anita?"

Anita was just staring at her cellphone. All the clues pointed to one explanation, and one explanation only. She refused to believe that Micaela's eye migraine would turn this wacky, at the exact same time as her being sent to Japan by a random employee at Dunkin' Donuts, to end up at a store called Turtle Game Shop to meet people called Mazaki Anzu and Mutou Yuugi could all just be a coincidence.

"Damn," she whispered to herself. Anita looked up at Karl and Erik, who were still standing next to her, waiting patiently as they listened to her rather absurd phone call. "This is going to sound completely out of it, but...I think Micaela's been dropped into an alternate dimension."

* * *

(1) Okay, here's the thing: I have no idea how old Anzu actually is at the beginning of the Battlecity Arc: she could either be sixteen or seventeen, depending on how much time passed since Duelist Kingdom. If you have proof about how old our darling girl really is, do tell! I shall be forever grateful to you. 

So, dear readers, what do you think so far? Reviews are very much appreciated, as well as constructive criticism. Thanks!


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